So I spent half a day trying to figure out unix ODBC stuff, and it turns out the PostgreSQL folks have a totally brainless MSI installer that gives perfect access to PostgreSQL remotely, without any fuss at all.
Not only that, but this is the first time I've looked into access control, and it's dead easy. We can have a public interface on our database that's locked down so most users will only have read-only access to a view we control.
Every time I look into this kind of stuff, I expect a whole lot of trouble, and then I'm suprised by the fact that it will only take 5 minutes of work to get things all set up.
Hooray for Open Source!